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Deborah Schwartz Orrin in Exile |
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Orrin
Zweig molded wet lumps of coarse sand until he felt
them to be a house. He poked intrusions with his fingers, and they were
windows, pressed broken coquina to the house’s soft front for a door. There
was itchy sand in his swimming trunks. Sweat slid into his eyes and made them
burn. Up the beach, on a blue and white towel, his parents fought. The wind
caught their voices and brought them to him in small broken pieces. The first Our own Before she died The
wind dried some of the sweat before it hit his eyes. Orrin scanned the ocean
for his sister, who had been wading slowly out. Back on the beach, his mother
waved her arms, pumping them up and down. She might leave him and take
flight. While he watched her, the sea inched up the beach, slow frothy
tongues bubbling as they fell, collapsing on themselves. And
there was the top half of his sister, Efrat, rising
from the sea. Orrin patted the sides of his house. She cut her way through
the water, back towards the beach. She met Orrin at his house, where the
water now curled by the sand, and she grabbed him by the hand, pulled him up,
walked him up the beach, away from their parents, whose arms and voices rose
and fell in swells. Efrat and Orrin waited in the hot sticky sun by the car, their
feet burning on the asphalt, the needle of the parking meter slipping slowly
back. Their mother had not flown away. But their father might have. He did
not come back to the car. When their mother arrived, she was not carrying
their beach bag. “Let’s
go, kids,” she said, her nose red, her eyes red,
curly dark hair out of sorts. She placed the metal of the key into the hot
metal of the car door’s lock. Orrin
thought of his plastic shovel set, of his rubber King Kong, his favorite
sunset beach towel. “Beach Bag,” he cried. But his mother didn’t listen. Efrat grabbed his arm, but he broke away and ran back to
the beach, to the beach bag, to his father, whom he imaged
sitting, silent and contented, by their brown beach bag. Efrat
called after him, and on the sand he realized that every stretch of beach
looked the same. He ran one way, then turned, ran the other, feet scooping up
hot clods of sand with each step. No brown beach bag. No father. He ran to
the shore line–could his father be wading waist-deep into the water? Along
the shore line, he ran, and he tripped over a piled lump of wet sand. His toe
hit the sharp edge of a broken shell. His house was being consumed by the
sea. His father, his sunset towel and shovel set and King Kong. All pulled out
to sea, tumbling in a green salty emptiness, silent and contented, together.
Orrin fell to the sand and whimpered, but not because he was sad. His toe
hurt and stung. His father and the beach bag had disappeared. He was
confused. And Efrat pulled him up once more, once
more in that same spot by his now-destroyed house, and she carried him as if
he had no bones, holding him awkwardly up under his arms, dragging him up the
beach and into the hot oppressive car, pulling the door closed behind her.
They drove home in silence, both children in the back seat, Orrin watching
the blood on his toe curdle with sand. He was quiet too; he wasn’t going to
tell of his wound until they were safely in the house. Efrat drew a bath for her mother, and while she was
soaking, Efrat made Orrin a peanut butter and honey
sandwich for dinner. He ate it in his itchy swimming trunks, and once he’d
finished, he showed his sister the caked purple blood around his toe. “That’s
disgusting,” she said. “That’s filthy. You’ll get an infection.” In their
bathroom, she sat him on the toilet and held his foot in her hands. She
cleaned off the blood with a wad of toilet paper, and Orrin could see now
that the wound was only a thin arc of a slice, a pink half moon. She poured
alcohol over it, right from the bottle, and he cried. It stung. She slapped
his cheek. “I’m warning you,” she said. She screwed the cap back on the
bottle, standing on tip-toes to place it back in the medicine cabinet. She
pulled toilet paper off the roll so it unwound like streamers, balled it up
and pushed it into Orrin’s hands. “Clean up this mess, now.” She pointed to
the puddle of alcohol spilled over the beige tile. Orrin
twisted his mouth and scrunched his eyes, but before he could begin crying, Efrat said, “Mommy is sick. I’m putting her to bed now,
and then I’ll come back for you. If you cry and wake her up, I’ll beat you
black and blue.” Her eyes were hard marbles. The cry disappeared in his
throat before it could be born, and he turned as his sister left the bathroom,
turned and knelt and swabbed up the alcohol with the wad of toilet paper,
flushed it down the toilet, retreated to his room, and climbed into bed in
those same itchy swimming trunks. He
watched the shapes on the ceiling shift, dark blue to black, and when Efrat came back for him, she
leaned over and kissed him on the head as their father had often done when
putting them to bed. She kissed him and told him, “Sleep tight, mamalah,” and
then turned and left, closing the door lightly behind her. He followed her
footfalls back to her room, and then lost them in her pink plush carpet. But
he could still hear her moving around, opening drawers, shifting
things. Was their father there, sitting in his office clothes on her bed,
watching her straighten? Pointing out when she missed a spot? After she was
done and he approved, she folded him into her bottom dresser drawer. Orrin
heard the click of the light switch, and the orange light from hallway died
off. With
light, entered Efrat. “Okay, stupid head,” she
called. “Get up out of bed or we’ll be late for school.” She pulled a polo
shirt over his frame, pulled his arms through the holes, told him to get some
shoes on. They
walked together to the bus stop, and the dry sand in his swimming trunk made
his whole middle feel rashy. He scratched and
scratched until Efrat slapped his hands. “Do you
want an infection?” On the bus, they sat together, and with each bump in the
road, Orrin felt air being tossed about in the emptiness of his stomach. “I
didn’t get any breakfast.” “Orrin,
this is what I want you to do. At lunch, tell the cafeteria ladies you forgot
your money and you’d like to charge it today. Do you hear me? You forgot your
money and want you charge your lunch.” “Charge
it.” “And
don’t call home if you feel sick. If you feel sick, just stay in class and
put your head down. I’ll buy you an ice cream at the Kwik
Stop after school. As long as you do what I say.” Of
course, Orrin agreed. When Efrat demanded things of
him, all other options fell away. He was itchy the whole day. He tried to
avoid talking with anyone, even his teacher. When the kindergartners were led
to lunch, Orrin asked the lady at the register if he might charge his lunch.
The lady, pursed lips, looked at him sharply. Then smiled, taking up a
pencil. “Last
name?” “Orrin
Zweig.” “Last
name,” she repeated. “Zweig. Z as in Zebra, W-E-I-G as in Goat.” This is how he
had heard his mother spell their last name when she placed orders over the
phone. The lady scribbled his name and handed him a tray, and he took it,
hoping no one would mistake him for a poor kid. For
three weeks their father did not return, for three weeks their mother did not
get out of bed, and for three weeks, Orrin wore his swimming trunks, did not
bathe, and continued charging his lunch, always: Z as in Zebra, W-E-I-G as in
goat. In the middle of the forth week,
Orrin heard a crack and tumble as he climbed into bed. The air conditioner
had broken. The house heated slowly, sagged heavy and damp. While the room
was still bathed in the mystery of night, Efrat
pushed open, tip-toed in. He was awake. She took his hand, lead him from the
bed, to the bathroom. “We’ll
take a cold bath.” Efrat leaned over and stopped up
the tub with towels, then turned on the cold water. “Shorts off,” she said,
and he obeyed. She helped pull his polo shirt over his head, then removed her own socks, shorts, blouse. When the tub
was half full, they climbed in together. Water poured from the faucet, and Efrat worked green, clean-smelling shampoo through his
hair, then lathered her own, until they both had
dollops of Cool Whip for crowns. They made suds balls and threw them across
the tub at each other, and when Orrin hit Efrat on
the nose so it stuck, he jumped up in the over-full tub, water sloshing over
the sides. “O as in Orrin R-R-I-N wins the round!” Efrat pulled his ankles, and he slipped quick, hitting
his head against the tub’s back. But her hand was in his mouth to keep him
from screaming. “Mom’s sleeping,” she whispered. “Black and blue.” And she
pushed her karate chop farther into his mouth. Orrin held his tears. When he
had caught his breath again, she removed her hand and turned off the water.
She waded to his side and pulled up a soggy towel from the tub’s bottom. She
put it under her head and held Orrin close to her, his head resting on her
thin slick chest. Orrin
sometimes forgot he even had a mother. He wasn’t sure he still had a father.
He looked up the wall tiles to the high white ceiling. Yes, it was cooler in
the tub, even chilly. Efrat patted his wet tangled
hair and kissed his forehead. “Sleep tight, mamalah,” she said. And they
both closed their eyes and dreamed they were fish. Efrat had been taking money from their mother’s purse to
buy food at the Kwik Stop, but when they came home
from school and found their mother gone too, Efrat
came up with a new plan. That evening, she pushed forward three boxes of
macaroni and cheese, a candy bar, and two cans of soda, then
pulled her chin up on the counter, saying to the man at the register, “Put
this on our tab.” Orrin
added, “Zweig. Z as in Zebra, W-E-I-G as in Goat.” “My
father’s a business man,” Efrat said. “He
wears a suit,” Orrin added, and Efrat turned and
nudged him. “He’s
out of town right now, but he’ll pay you when he gets back.” The
man looked sharply, squinting an eye, but then
curled one side of his lip. “This time,” he said, and bagged the groceries. Efrat made several friends at school, and she managed it
so they would invite her over for dinner. Orrin came along, and his sister
had told him several choice phrases to use during meals so the parents might
think him a child prodigy. Orrin
would be propped up on a phone book so he could see over the table (he was
small, even for his age), and Efrat would give him
the signal. “Mrs. Nusbaum,” he’d say, “This
spaghetti and meat balls are so tender and al dente.” And Mrs. Nusbaum might smile
and say, “Would such a smart little boy like seconds?” When
it was chicken for dinner, Efrat would blow her
nose into her napkin, and Orrin would say, “What a moist savory foul.” Efrat had read the words off boxes in the store, stole
them from recipe books. And they worked, coming from so small an aficionado. May
opened, and the absence of air-conditioning meant the Zweig
children conducted most of their activities in the bathtub. Efrat made sure to drain the tub and fill it anew each
time, so as not to promote infection. They found if they ran through the
house, still wet and naked, their bodies might collect a cool breeze. But
they had to be careful not to slip on tile, in the hall, through kitchen, to
living room. In the middle of June, just as the school year was closing,
their grandmother came for a visit. When
she entered the house, she frowned and fanned her face with her hand. “So
hot!” Efrat and Orrin ran to her, each grabbing a
leg to hug. Her smell was sweet dead flowers and cough drops. “What’s going
on here?” She patted their heads. “Did a hurricane blow through your house?”
There was a layer of grime on the living room tiles, the sofa and chairs
slumped shoulders, limp and soggy. She
took them to a health food restaurant and made them order their grilled
cheeses with brown rice instead of french fries.
“So tell me,” she said, once their sandwiches were in front of them, “Where’s
your mother these days.” The two shrugged, trying to look blank. Should they
tell Grandma about the fight, about how their mother wouldn’t get out of bed?
And when she did, how she left and didn’t come back? “Where’s your mother?” she
repeated. “Your father gone too?” The
Zweig children concentrated on their grilled cheese
and brown rice. But their grandmother was persistent. “We’re not leaving this
restaurant until you tell me where your parents are.” She smiled, but looked
almost mean. Orrin
was the first to crack. “They flew away.” “Is
that so?” Their grandmother crossed her arms, and Efrat
kicked Orrin under the table. When
their grandmother dropped them at the house, she said, “We’ll see if your
mother doesn’t fly back sometime soon.” Then she kissed them both on the
heads and made them close and lock the door behind
her. Their
mother did fly back later that week. Or drive back. And she arrived home with
another man, whom she called Edgar. “But I want you to call him Daddy.” She
leaned in, her face tanner and tight around the mouth and eyes, a pair up
sunglasses propped up on her head, pulling back her wild dark hair. Edgar was
tall and boxy, and he often threw his arm around their mother’s waist,
pulling her close to him, sucking and licking her cheek as she pulled away,
laughing, always laughing. “Stop it, Edgar.” “That’s enough, Edgar.” “Edgar,
not in front of the kids.” Orrin did not like Edgar. He didn’t need Efrat to tell him this. He knew it in the place where the
rib cage met the stomach that Edgar was not good, and he would not call him
Daddy. The
air conditioner was fixed, and a woman came twice a week to clean the house.
Their mother and Edgar would order in large pretty meals, which, once
unpacked, would stretch in bowls and platters across the dining room table.
Sometimes they invited other adults, and sometimes those adults would bring
children. The adults would drink wine and laugh and laugh, and as Orrin and Efrat slid from their seats, sneaking away, their mother
would call after them, wave a limp, happy arm and say, “Kids, go be nice and
make friends with the other children.” They
had new clothes every month, and were no longer allowed to sleep in the
bathtub. When they had asked if they could, Edger had opened his mouth so
they thought his jaw might come unhinged. He laughed. “Clarissa, do you hear
this? Your children want to take baths together. Clarissa, you better call
the shrink right away.” Hot rolling laughter knocked against them, smelling
of pickles, chicken salad. They did not dare run through the house naked.
They were now conscious of their bodies, of their bodies’ awkwardness, of
their small size. Orrin saw Efrat was worse. Even
when she changed for bed, she did so like a spy, pulling on her nightgown
while still wearing a tee shirt, exchanging one pair of underwear for another
beneath the tent of her nightgown. She took showers in her underwear. Her
chin dropped and her shoulders caved in. Their house had never been in such
good order, the two of them never so well clothed and well fed. Their mother
and Edgar laughed, sang and kissed and laughed almost constantly, but Orrin
had never been so miserable. But Efrat was even
worse. That
next school year, Efrat rode a different bus. She
left Orrin for middle school; he knew she couldn’t help it. She made him get
up extra early in the morning so she could walk him to his bus stop, then she would walk up one more block, turn right and walk
another, until she was out of sight. He finished school before her, and would
sometimes walk to her bus stop and wait for her. The first time he did this, Efrat looked pleased to see him. She hugged him, thanked
him for coming, and they walked home together. After two weeks, though, she
slapped him on the ear and called him a snoop and a leech. If he waited on a
hot day, she’d pinch his side hard, tell him, did he
want to get cancers from so much sun. If it was drizzling, she’d kick him in
the rump and ask, did he want pneumonia. But this
was still better than going home alone to his mother and Edgar. Orrin began
waiting on the corner, behind the silver buttonwood tree, watching as his
sister got off the bus. After the bus left, she’d form a circle with two boys
and one other girl who got off at the stop as well. They would talk for a
little, and sometimes they would push each other. Then they would move up the
driveway and into the house on the other corner. For
her birthday, Edgar bought Efrat a fish tank full
of fluorescent orange gravel, a swarm of shimmery
fish darting back and forth. Efrat smiled at him,
thanked him, stepping up on a chair as if she were gazing inside. When he
turned to leave, Orrin saw his sister spit into the tank. Edgar and their
mother soon left for the evening, and Efrat scooped
up a fish with a zip-lock bag, closed it, brought it
to the back yard. Orrin followed. She laid the turgid baggy on the chatahoochee by the pool and disappeared around the side
of the house. She returned with a large rock, which she placed in Orrin’s
hands. “Get
on your knees,” she said, and he did. She crouched next to him. “Hit the fish
with the rock.” The
idea was repulsive. He looked up at her, waiting for a laugh, maybe,
something to say she was joking. But her eyes were cool glassy slits, her
face, empty. “Hit it. Smash the fish with the rock.” “Why?” “Because
it’s sick. This is a mercy killing.” Orrin had no idea what she was talking
about. She was grave. If he did not hit the fish, she would hit him. He wound
up his arm, shut his eyes and held his breath. He brought down the rock, but
his wrist twitched just before he made contact. Splooosh. The bag burst, water
leaped up, smacked him on the forearms, in the mouth. He saw the fish’s tail
crushed, it wriggling pale and crippled, small soft gills, like ears, visible
in gasping fish breaths. What was it saying? You’ve killed me. You monster. Could it be bleeding? The frayed
gills fluttered convulsively. “Now you’ve really got to kill it.” Efrat stood up and walked behind her brother. She lifted
his arm, the arm with the rock. “Finish it off. Crush it. You’ve got to kill
it now. You’ll be a bad person for making it suffer.” She pushed his arm
hard. Down it went. Again, Orrin was off. The fish was still alive, its large
glassy eyes rolling. Again. Again. “Kill it!” his sister screamed. “You’ve
got to kill it.” The rock came down again, and his hand went soft. Heat shot
through his nose, behind his eyes, and he fell over what remained of the
fish, weeping, praying for forgiveness. “You
did good.” Efrat knelt
down behind him and held her arms under his arms, pulled him to her. “That
was good. You did good. Now we have to bury it
before Edgar and Mommy get home.” They
dug a small hole by the melaleuca tree, and Orrin
felt nothing as he swept the bits of soft silvery fish into palm, carried
them across the yard, dropped them in the hole. Efrat wanted to say a prayer. “God.” She grabbed Orrin’s
hand tightly, the one that had held the dead fish. “We give you this as an
offering. Please bring our father home. Amen.” And
Orrin saw again his father drifting off in that green murky water, floating
on his back, flanked by the shovel set, the towel, the rubber King Kong. It
was too lonely. Orrin cried again, even though he knew by now a boy shouldn’t
cry. He was too big for Efrat to carry, but he
curled up as best he could into the soft thin lines of her body, and she
walked with him back into the house, locking the sliding glass door behind
them. She took him into the bathroom and plugged the tub, this time by
pushing down the metal stopper, and when the water was high enough, she
helped him to undress. One leg, then the other, he was in the warm clear
water, and sat, lay down. He looked up at Efrat,
but she nodded her head. “I can’t get in with you anymore. I’m too old for
that.” She folded his clothes and placed them on the closed toilet seat. Then
she left, switching out the light and lightly closing the door. “Good night, mamalah.” It
was magic. They had asked for their father, for him to come back from the
sea. And not a month later, there he was. When Orrin walked in from school,
barely a minute ahead of his sister, there was his father, sitting on the
couch in the living room, chatting and grinning. Had he ever really left? He
was wearing a light gray suit and red tie, and when Orrin
ran to him, feverish to hug him, know he was real, his father lifted
him up under the arms and brought him to him. “At a boy,” he said. “Whoa.
You’ve gotten big.” Orrin
pressed his nose against his father’s clean starched suit. It smelled comfortable.
His father hoisted him again, turning him so he sat in the crook of his arm.
Orrin saw lines near his father’s eyes he had not remembered, hair maybe
grayer, the arm beneath Orrin trembled with strain. “Look, Cassie. I want you
to meet my son.” A woman was sitting on the love seat opposite them. She was
thin and nervous, short-cropped hair and pointed features. His father pinched
his side. “Orrin, say hello to Cassie.” “Hello,
Cassie.” The
door slammed. It was Efrat. She shrieked and ran to
their father, held his waist tight and hugged and hugged, saying, “I knew
you’d come back for us. I knew it, knew it, knew
it.” So
warm and good. The two children sat close to their father. They weren’t going
to let him leave again. “Kids,” he rose, and they happy-panicked, but he
patted their hands, letting them know it was all right. He walked to the
corner of the room, where his briefcase leaned against the wall. “I got
presents.” His hand moved unsteadily in the bag. The first thing he removed
was a snow globe. “This, kiddo, is for you.” He handed it to his son, and
Orrin saw the palm tree and sunset with snow falling around, wondered how it
might account for his father’s long absence. Their father handed Efrat a small white box. She opened it, looked confused.
“They’re earring,” he said, “made of pink coral.” “But
Daddy, my ears aren’t pierce.” Their
father came back to the couch and sat between them. “Not yet. But you’re
getting to be quite a pretty young lady.” There
was a lull, and the worst thing that could have happened, did. Their mother
and Edgar came home. Orrin’s stomach plunged. His father stood up as they
walked through the door. “Clarissa.” “Aaron.
What a surprise.” Both children held their breath. They waited for an
explosion that didn’t come. Their mother introduced Edgar, and their father,
Cassie. Their mother proposed they order in. “Something fancy, maybe. To
celebrate.” Their father and Cassie agreed. Orrin head spun in on itself.
This felt wrong, unnatural. He could not remember his parents being so civil,
even before, when everything was normal. But his mother walked,
shoulders back, head up, to the kitchen phone. After she placed the order,
she told the person on the phone, “Zweig. Z as in
Zebra, W-E-I-G as in Goat.” After
dinner, their mother cleaned out the guest bedroom to make room for their
father and Cassie. “Sorry if there isn’t too much room.” She brought in
linens while their father and Cassie pulled out the sleeper sofa. “I always
said we should get the bigger sofa, and you always said no.” “This’ll
be fine, Clarissa. Really. Thank you.” In
bed, Orrin realized his sister had not said good night to him. His father was
back, and he hadn’t wished him good night either. Orrin’s chest was tight. He
had to watch the ceiling carefully, had to concentrate on breathing, thinking
about the ocean to fall asleep. They
lived like this week after week. Four parents to only two children. Each time
Orrin breathed in, he felt he was breathing through a wet towel. He thought
his lungs might have a hole in them, why he couldn’t get enough air. He told Efrat this, and she asked him if
he’d heard a pop. “No.”
“Then
you probably didn’t blown out a lung. I bet you’re
just fine.” Orrin
couldn’t concentrate at school. But he no longer wanted to go home. When all
four parents were around, especially at dinner, his stomach twisted and
cramped until even looking at food made him feel queasy. But if he asked to
be excused to go to the bathroom, Edgar would laugh. His father would wink
and smile goofily. His mother might roll her eyes. Cassie rarely looked up
from her plate. There was no right answer anymore. When he held his stomach
and scooted around in his chair, Efrat would nudge
him. “Don’t be a baby,” she’d say. The
parents could talk pleasantly for hours, during dinner and after. But it
seemed they said nothing really at all. They spoke of business and news and
television shows. They didn’t much bring up Efrat
and Orrin. Orrin
had not gone directly home from his bus stop, nor had he waited behind the
silver buttonwood for his sister. He had walked to a playground several
blocks from his house, and there he kicked up dirt into small beige clouds.
There was a boy on the swings, one smaller than he. “Get
up,” Orrin said crossing his arms at his chest. “I
was here first.” “Get
up.” “There
two other swings.” “I
want this one.” Did Orrin really want the swing? He was sure he did. He grit his teeth. Even more than the swing, he wanted to get
into a fight, the sweet rush of energy as he swung,
his muscles tense and straining. The kid continued swinging, so Orrin grabbed
the chain and stopped it. “Get up, or I’ll punch you.” The
kid was getting nervous, began to dismount, but something felt empty in
Orrin’s heart. He lifted his arm above his head and brought it down. “Mom!”
The kid crouched and cried, and Orrin decided he better get out of here. With
nowhere else to go, he went home. If
coming home from school could bring back his father, than coming home might
also take him away. He opened the door and was struck with a wail. Efrat. In the kitchen, his mother was holding out her
hands like she’d just had a manicure. Efrat was
kneeling, face twisted and snotty. “What did you do with Daddy?” “I
told you.” Their mother, daintily, carefully poured herself a class of wine.
“He was diving into the pool just after he’d eaten, and he slipped and hit
his head on the side. Now he’s dead.” “Liar.” “Why
would I lie about that?” “Show
me the blood. Where is the blood?” “I
cleaned it up.” Orrin
couldn’t understand them. “Where’s his body?” “The
ambulance took it away.” She sat down and tapped her fingers against the
table. Her face was clean and cool, her hair pulled back by sunglasses. “And
Cassie?” She
cocked her head for a moment and sucked on her bottom lip. “She went to the
hospital in the ambulance. But I burned her things, so she won’t be coming
back.” Then she smiled. Efrat rose to her feet,
advanced towards their mother. “I
hate you. You’re a fucking bitch.” Efrat punched
her mother in the arm, twice, three times. She paused, and her mother slapped
her. “Go
to your room. Don’t leave until I tell you to. Not even to use the bathroom.” Efrat ran out and slammed her door. Orrin was still. He
watched his mother, who sipped slowly at her wine. He walked into the living
room, to the window that looked out on the pool. Everything was still.
Nothing there looked like it could kill. He knocked at his sister’s door. “Go
away.” “Let
me in. It’s me, Orrin.” “Go
away.” He
stood at her door though dinner, as his mother and Edgar watched their
evening television shows, after they had gone to bed. When everything in the
house was dark, Efrat opened the door, then slunk back to her bed. “I have a headache.” She
curled up around her pillow. Orrin stood on tip-toe and kissed her head. “I
hate her. I hate that fucking fucking bitch.” Orrin
touched his sister’s thin shoulder, tried to work things out in his head.
What had happened to their father, to their mother? But all he could see was
the bulging glassy eye of Efrat’s fish against the chatahoochee. Kill
it, she had said. Kill it.
“Everything’s going to be okay.” “I
hate that fucking fucking bitch. That stupid
asshole fucking bitch.” Efrat broke into tears
again, her shoulder spasming. He stood and kissed
her head and touched her shoulder and told her everything would be all right,
even though he was sure it wouldn’t. The sky through the blinds lightened,
and Orrin saw Efrat was asleep, so he left her,
lightly closing the door behind him. The night was a cool slippery blue. He opened the sliding glass door and walked around the pool. Was he looking for blood? He sat at the side of the pool and put his feet in, shoes and all. The water made tiny whirlpools when he swirled his legs around. Could his father be out to sea again? He thought of his father, now in cool blue waters, floating on his back with the shovel set, the towel, the King Kong. He thought of the melaleuca tree and how the fish must look now, paper-thin, pale and rotting. Or maybe it was green now. Or brown, the color of soil. Those eyes. The frayed sickly gills fluttering. Was it still alive? Was there blood? His hand came down. Again. On the fish. On the boy at the park. On his mother’s head. Again. She might cry out. She might tumble into the pool like she was made of rubber. He would watch her sink low, lower, until her shape was distorted by a thick layer of the pool’s cool blue ripples. But once she’d hit the bottom, she’d come float back up, her wild dark hair rising to the surface first. And then the red would swirl in whirlpool curls. Until the water was red. Until the water was red. |
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